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[20 Dec 2004|09:30am] |
Hey there guys. I am new here.
About me:15, I think I am borderlined depression. I have like 50 thousand mood swings (bi polar?) nd yeah, I used to cut, I haven't in a long time, but ive wanted to, trying to stay storng. :-)
g2g..dentist calls.
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[20 Dec 2004|02:12pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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music |
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Story of 100 Aisles - Our Lady Peace |
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I just slit my wrist.
I didn't mean to...
I was cutting on my arm... and I was really upset, and I guess I just slipped... and... I hit a really large vein.
I wasn't pressing very hard... so I kinda doubt its gonna kill me... but its bleeding a lot... more than I've ever bled in one sitting before.
I feel powerful. I know I shouldnt... I should be scared... but I feel really powerful... and strong. Stronger than I've felt in years. Kind of like I have the power to destroy everything I hate. I kinda like it.
I just wish it would stop bleeding. My mom and three-year-old nephew will be home soon...
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[20 Dec 2004|07:21pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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[the radio, 89X] |
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I'm new here. I was looking for communities to join and I saw this.. I started reading. I love how everyone is supportive to everyone else. Accept the swirlyz user. She did sound mean. Anyway I hope this community can give me support too.
Just to let you know, I cut my wrists and my upper leg. My whole family knows about me cutting my leg, not my wrist. My mom put me in counsiling because she thinks I have issues. She tries to get me to show her my cuts every once in a while which doesn't help at all. She doesn't understand that it helps me, she thinks it's a suicide attempt. It's not.
I've told some of my friends, but only one actually helps because she does the same thing. Others are just like "omg are you crazy? You're going to kill yourself!" and that makes me feel horrible. So I just want support from people who understand and aren't going to freak out on me.
Shelby.
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[20 Dec 2004|09:58pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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[Evanescence - Fallen] |
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I cut my wrist and leg again tonight. Stress was overwhelming. Barely any of my friends understand me and are worring about me so much. I guess it's okay because if they weren't worrying about me, I'd be scared. But still I don't need them giving me strange sympathetic looks everything I see them. It's so annoying. There's more but I can't really explain it right now..
I'm not sure if you will understand this, but hey I'll say it anyway. I want to stop cutting, but then again I don't. I don't want to because it just helps me so much, and if I stopped I'm not sure what I'd do with my emotional stresses. Cutting almost instantly relieves me from my other pain and stresses, and then I get my mind on other things... Does that make any sence?
Shelby.
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[20 Dec 2004|10:31pm] |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Dir en grey - Yokan |
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I actually have something positive today.
I was at college, in our refectory- where I spent the whole day, as it happened. (Hadn't the energy to go to classes. Ah, it's the end of term.) I was sitting thinking for a while, and I must have looked down because one of my best friends came over, took me by the hand, and asked what was wrong. When I said nothing, she said that she knew there was, and that the reason she knew was because she knew I'd... and then she stroked her left arm, down where my cuts are/were. And when I sheepishly agreed, she just gave me a huge hug, and told me she was there for me.
I guess I was wrong about them... I love my friends so much.
~ x
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